Rain Clouds Of Dreams
by Lionheart1
Summary: After the end of the sorceress war, things change. Yet she never forgets the past. She got the opportunity to do something she loved once again, but is it really what she wants? Perhaps there's something better for her out there.
1. Rainy Days

Disclaimer: Final Fantasy belongs to Square Enix and not me, sadly. 

Rain Clouds Of Dreams

Sit down, lose yourself in thought  
Then you might find out it's all we've got  
Take a chance, the future's in your hands  
Make it what you can before your time has reached the end

The Calling "Thank You"

The darkening clouds made their smoky trail across the sky. It was getting dark outside; although it was only early it felt a lot later. A single droplet fell down to the earth leaving its mark on the ground. Soon after, more droplets followed the same pattern as the first. 

Condensation formed as she exhaled against the window. She could feel the coolness of the glass pressed against her forehead, but she didn't mind. The cold seemed to comfort her today. She looked out of her window, which looked down on to the people in the quad. Looked down onto their faces as they walked around. She wondered if they knew she was looking at them. 

The rain made its way down to the ground harder now and the ground now had spots of dampness on it. Most of the students began to gather their belongings and made their way back inside Garden. She could hear the rain pattering on the window with its relaxing rhythm. There we no more spots on the ground from the rain. The light grey path had now turned a shade darker. 

Four months it had been. Exactly four months ago today they had stepped off Ragnarok together. The townspeople had applauded them for their victory. She remembered seeing the look on their faces. The relief they all felt was in the air. For once they all felt safe. If only for a little while, the whole of Garden celebrated and laughed. For the first time in Garden there was no more wars, no more battles and everyone was together. 

She thought back to the days that they grew closer together. The days they spent fighting. They had all proven something along the way, if not to themselves, to the people around them. All of them had felt scared at some point during the last year, there was no denying. Whether it be fear of fighting or confronting your feelings. For her it had been feelings. In her mind she had made her way across that battlefield and told him how she felt. Sisterly love is how she had described it to be. Although deep down inside when she saw _him _holding _her _that way. She had felt her heart sink. She couldn't deny the pain she felt in her heart, although she knew that it would happen. She guessed it was just old feelings coming back to haunt her. If he should know one thing, it would be that she was proud of him. Proud of him for falling in love with the right person. Someone who would make him happy. 

Lifting her head from the window she breathed on the transparent glass. The heat of her breath made the cool glass condensate and steam up. With a single finger she drew a heart on the window. Everyone had found someone since the victory. Rinoa and Squall. Selphie and Irvine. She had even noticed Zell had become close with a dark haired girl in the library, and finally husband and wife had been reunited. Cid and Edea. She looked up to the both of them. They had acted like parents to her for so many years of her life, and for that she was grateful. Both of them had been through so much together. She still looked up to Cid for what he had done. No one should have to order people to kill the person they love. Deep down, he was a strong man and the bond between the two was even stronger. 

Water droplets were running down the window destroying the heart she had drawn a few moments ago. She was the only one who hadn't found someone. At times she really didn't mind about getting into a relationship, but sometimes she just felt lonely. Maybe it was her own fault for concentrating on her work too hard. How could she find someone when she always buried herself into her SeeD work? Although she did have a group of people who respected her. The Trepies. Apparently they admired her work and the person she was. To be honest she was grateful that people would like her that much to make a group called The Trepies, but at times it did get annoying and sometimes a little scary. 

She lifted her hand to rub away the heart on the window. The condensation left its mark on her in the form of dampness on her fingers. Balamb was one of the three places in the world that had a Garden. Not many people in the world really liked the idea of training young people to kill. After all, at the end of the day, that was what happened. They train cadets into fighters. Into SeeD's. Killing machines was what they were sometimes called. Most of the students at Balamb lived in the dorms. In a way Cid preferred people living within the safety of Balamb Garden. The walls they spent most of their time in, kept most of other people's opinions out. When you fight for a living you don't count how many people you have killed or seriously injured. Her eyes trailed back outside the window. In a way, she thought the outside world were right. She knew that they were destroying a person's life, but if it wasn't them killed, it would be another death of a SeeD. In a way, they had to be killing machines.

She turned her attention away from the window and looked around her dorm. Four walls surrounded her. This was her isolation for now, before she went out and faced the rest of Garden. She remembered the first time she went to the memorial site. All of the Gardens had their own memorial sites where family and friends could visit and leave items for those who didn't make it. Those who never got to see the world celebrate together at the victory. She had made her way there by herself for the first time. Four tall, black gates surrounded it. Inside were rows and rows of gravestones. It hadn't been until that day that she had realised just how many people hadn't made it. 

She had made her way through the many rows of gravestones looking at the names of the candidates. It amazed her how many people she didn't actually know in Garden even though they had lived in the same place as her. She studied each grave that she had she walked past, taking note of their name. One of the names on the graves had stood out although she wasn't sure how she knew the person. She thought for a moment. A picture formed in her mind of a young fifteen-year-old boy. It was then that her throat tightened and she felt her eyes fill with the warm salty liquid. She used to teach this student. He had been very enthusiastic and had amazing talent in the training centre. That was before she had lost her Instructor Licence. She wondered how he had got on after she had stopped teaching. Would he have ever become a SeeD? She'd never know now. 

It was then that she cried for the first time since the defeat of the sorceress. She cried for those who didn't make it and the people who had lost a family member or a friend.

That had happened a month ago. She looked back to the rain running down the window and then to her desk. Placed on the desk was a white envelope. Since then she had been told that she had proven herself to be worthy of her Instructor Licence again. For the last four weeks she had been teaching once again. 

She took a step towards her desk and grasped the paper envelope in her hands. She looked down at it for a moment. She wondered if this was the right thing to do. Clearing her thoughts of any doubts she quickly walked out of the isolation of her dorm and into the main area of Garden. She studied every aspect of Garden. How lucky she was to be able to walk freely around Garden today. 

She thought back to that day when she had studied herself in the mirror. Wearing the Instructor uniform once again. She had felt positive. The doors had opened leading into her new class. It was the same room she had taught in before. As she taught her class something in her didn't feel right. It should be how it had been before. No doubts should linger in her mind. This was what she wanted, right? It was then, when she looked at the young students sat in their places, that she could remember his face. She could picture him in the same seat he always sat in. It was almost like a ghost. The boy whose grave she had spotted at the memorial site. He had been there with her, and a part of her felt like she had failed him. 

She headed into the elevator and pressed the button to go to the headmaster's office. The doors closed in front of her and the elevator soon began to move up. The hum of the elevator gave her something to concentrate on. She was no longer sure how she felt. No longer sure what she wanted from Garden. She looked back down to the envelope in her hands. A simple white envelope. The simple envelope would lead to something life changing. She only hoped it would be for the better, and she wouldn't regret what she was doing.

The elevator came to a stop and the doors opened once again. She took a deep breath then stepped out of the elevator and headed straight for the headmasters office. She went as fast as she could. She felt if she went fast, she wouldn't have time to think about what she was doing, so she wouldn't change her mind. She raised a hand to the wooden door and knocked. A few moments later the door opened and Cid looked at her.

"Quistis" he said with slight surprise, he hadn't expected to see her today "Can I help you?" 

"Sir, I need to speak to you" Quistis said clasping the envelope tighter in her hands. She watched as Cid opened his door wider and gestured for her to come inside his office. She took a slow step inside and followed him to his desk where he sat. 

"You've known me long enough to drop the formalities around me, Quistis," he said looking at her face as he took a seat at his desk. Quistis forced a little smile. She knew she didn't need to call him 'sir' but in truth, it felt less personnel and easier for her to say what she had come here to do. 

The aging headmaster studied Quistis for a moment. He couldn't help noticing the distant look on her face. She was usually such a dedicated person; it seemed strange to see her the way she was today. "Please take a seat," he finally said.

"No, I'd rather stand" Quistis said, she needed to do this before she backed out. She needed to face up to her feelings. "I just came to give you this," she said placing the white envelope on his desk. 

Cid took the white envelope and looked at Quistis with confusion. Her distant gaze now looked uncomfortable. She played with her hands nervously. She could see Cid looking at her and the confusion on his face. How hard could two words be to say? Lifting her gaze from behind Cid she looked out of the window. The rain had now almost stopped. The sky was still dark, but in some patches the sun streamed through the clouds and down onto the ground. She could see droplets of water that remained on the window making a trail as it ran down the window. Her eyes looked down back at Cid and let the words roll of her tongue. 

"I'm leaving" 

Authors note: Please don't kill me! This story came in my mind one day when I was thinking about all of the characters. I must admit I was never fond of Quistis the first time playing the game, but now she has grown on me over the years. So this is a story following a different path Quistis could take after the sorceress war. Yes, there will be another chapter but you must bear with me as I have loads of exams, revision and coursework all to do before the end of April. Please leave a review. It will make me very happy. Flame me if you must, but just don't be too harsh. Thank you!


	2. Confrontation

Authors note: Thank you to everyone who has reviewed! You've been so kind and given me the encouragement to write another chapter. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Please leave a review as well as they make me happy. 

Rain Clouds of Dreams
    
    The world's on fire
    
    It's more than I can handle
    
    Tap into the water, try to bring my share
    
    Try to bring more, more than I can handle
    
    Bring it to the table
    
    Bring what I am able
    
    Sarah McLachlan "World On Fire"  

One moment. It had taken one moment for her to say the words she felt. Four months to come to this point. She had been surprised how easily the words had escaped her lips. Maybe this was what she wanted. What she _needed._ She could feel her heart beating in anticipation. This was real. It would happen now. 

In front of her she saw Cid stare at her with a blank expression. She wasn't quite sure how he felt at the words she just said. Was he glad or disappointed? She could not tell. His face only gave a shocked and slightly confused expression. He stood there for a few moments as if he were frozen. His eyes locked onto her. Finally he let out a sigh and took off his glasses that had been resting on the bridge of his nose. 

"You're leaving?" He said looking down at the glasses in his hands. "Why would you make such a decision?" He looked back up to her face to study her features.

 He saw her hold a hand to her head and let out a long sigh. She took a seat by his desk and looked down at the ground as if she were a young child being told off. She smoothed imaginary creases on her skirt to avoid any contact and allow herself to think a little longer. "Honestly, I couldn't tell you why in words" she began, her eyes once again on the floor. "It just doesn't feel the same as before…" She trailed off, not sure what else to say. 

Placing his glasses on the desk he took the envelope in his hands. "You're not happy teaching again?" he questioned looking at her bowed head "It doesn't mean you have to leave Quistis, you could just ask me and you can go back to being a normal SeeD once more. I asked you because I thought you'd want to teach, and you proved yourself worthy of it. If you don't want to do it anymore, it doesn't mean you have to leave"

Quistis pulled her head up to face Cid once again. She thought for the right words to say. She knew Cid was quite upset by her decision to leave, she could tell by the look in his eye. If she could think of the right words to say, to let him know exactly why she wanted to leave she would have done. "When you first asked me to be an instructor again" she started looking back down at the ground once more "I really felt proud of myself. I'd finally proven myself. I was happy at the idea of teaching again." 

The memories were coming back to her mind again. She could see his face in her mind again. The feelings of failure erupted inside her again, eating away at her conscience. "On my first day I just couldn't help thinking of all the students who hadn't made it. All of the new students I was supposed to teach. I realised that no matter how hard we try we always lose some of them." She starred at Cid with pleading eyes as she felt a warm substance run down her face. 

Cid looked down at her with sorrow. "It's one of those things we have to risk. Every candidate knows that there's a risk of dying during battle. We lost a lot of people during the sorceress war, but we can't let that get in the way, we have to learn from it" 

She felt his presence get closer and he rested a hand on her giving it a reassuring squeeze. "I'm afraid it's the cruel truth. I don't want any students to die just like you don't, but I'm afraid its unavoidable." 

"It's not fair though," she said barely above a whisper "I don't think I could deal with teaching students knowing that they could die" 

"That's what this is all about?" Cid said looking down at Quistis. "You're a skilled fighter, before they're ready to be a SeeD you'll be there with them just in case anything gets out of hand."

Quistis stared at the window against the wall behind Cid's desk. She looked out of the window. The grey sky was giving her support for today. She studied the darkening grey in the distance, it would be raining again soon and she wanted to be out there. "I don't want to fight anymore," she said quietly, never taking her eyes off the sky. "That's why I'm leaving" 

A few minutes passed between the two in silence. Cid watched as Quistis kept her gaze locked out of the window. He wondered what had made her want to leave so suddenly. Everyone in Garden knew that there was a risk of people dying, whether it was a skilled SeeD or a young cadet. She should know that. Yet when he looked down at her frail form, when he saw the tears well up in her eyes he wasn't so sure. Maybe she had never really thought about the harsh truth, until now. His eyes trailed back to the white envelope on his desk then once again on Quistis. 

"Maybe you should have some time off. Clear your mind and get away from Garden for a while" he said to the young woman. "I just don't want you doing anything you regret" 

She let his words register in her mind. Slowly her eyes trailed up towards the aging headmaster. "I don't need to clear my mind. I know that _this_ isn't me anymore."

Cid sighed in defeat and walked over to the window noticing the dark sky. He knew nothing he said could change her mind. Throughout the years he had known her, he had learnt that if she set her mind to something she would prove herself. Just like proving herself of becoming an Instructor again. Perhaps she just needed to prove something to herself. 

"When will you be leaving?" 

Quistis' head lifted towards Cid. Since the thought had crossed her mind she had played this scene in her mind many times. She had prepared herself for all sorts of questions he could ask her, but never for that question. When was she leaving? She had started packing some clothes in the early hours in the morning. Although deep down inside her, she had never dreamed she would actually go and tell him. Hand over the envelope with her letter of resignation inside.  It had taken her so much courage to get this far. Now he was asking her when she was leaving. 

"Tomorrow morning" she said with confidence. This was happening. It was real. No one could change her mind now. For the first time in her life, she was doing something for herself instead of following orders. 

"Do the others know yet?" Cid asked still staring out of the window "If they don't, you should tell them soon." 

"I was going to tell them once I finished packing" she said staring at his back. That was another obstacle that she had to cross later on. Another confrontation and more questions to answer. At first she had thought about writing a letter to everyone explaining what her decision was. She had got as far as getting a piece of paper but she didn't know what to put. Writing letters was for people who were running away. She wasn't running away, she was leaving. 

"Maybe you should get packed now and go tell them as soon as possible." Cid said turning away from the window and back towards Quistis. He watched as she stood from the seat and with a little smile, she turned on her heals to leave. He couldn't believe what he was doing. She was a good Instructor and a skilled SeeD. He was letting her walk away. Someone who had inspired so many people, now leaving. 

Quistis let out a little sigh of relief as she turned towards the door. She had already taken the first step to leaving. Now she only had to let everyone else know. That next step, she felt would be the hardest. Slowly she pulled open the door. From over her shoulder she heard her name being called. She turned to see Cid standing where he had been before she had walked away. 

"If anything goes wrong, or you think that you're doing the wrong thing, you're always welcome back here" Cid said slowly "If not… then I wish you the best of luck for the future" 

Quistis smiled and nodded her head ignoring the lump that had formed in her throat. She quickly walked out of his office, closing the door behind her and made her way towards the elevator. Once the doors slid closed she let her weight lean on the side of the elevator and the tears made their way down her cheeks. This really wasn't easy to do. 

~*~

Within the four walls of her dorm she stood throwing items of clothing into her duffel bag. Almost all of her belongings had been packed away now. She packed the last few items in her bag then stood in her empty dorm. She had spent many years of her life in this dorm. Tomorrow she would leave. There would be no more SeeD missions, no more classes to teach and no more orders. Everyone who was dedicated in Garden spent their lives taking orders. They were given the papers and followed the orders. Now she was the one giving the orders. Setting out her own missions of her own. 

She picked up a folded piece of paper from her bed and studied it. Her first place to visit would be Timber. The student who haunted her. His name was Ethan Sandston. She had found his file a few hours ago. She didn't know why, she felt she had to see where he lived. See his family.  Face up to the pain it had brought them. She wasn't supposed to look up student information, not unless she had a verified reason. It was against the rules. Balamb Garden's rules weren't her concern anymore. 

Her thoughts were distracted when she heard a knock at the door. With a sigh she turned and went to open the door. She saw Selphie standing with the usual happy look on her face. "Hi Selphie" she said opening the door wider to let her friend in. 

Selphie looked at her for a moment then stepped in the dorm following Quistis. "Are you okay?" she said looking in worry at Quistis. She couldn't help but notice the serious look on her friends face. 

"I'm fine" Quistis said trying to act normal as she just realised that Selphie would be able to see the many bags around her room. She turned to look at her and realised that she had seen the same. Her happy look now turned more serious. 

"Quisty, you going somewhere?" she said in confusion. She watched as Quistis slowly sat down on her bed with a deep sigh and placed her head in her hands. Selphie stepped towards her friend and knelt down to her level. "What's happening Quistis? No one has seen you all day. We've been worried" 

"I'm leaving Garden," she said turning her head towards Selphie. She saw the confused look appear on her face. "I've been thinking about it for a while now. I even went to tell Cid earlier on. I know I should have told you all earlier, I… I just didn't know how to say it. I'm sorry" The words just seemed to rush out all at once. She wasn't sure if what she had just said had made sense.

Selphie placed a hand on Quistis' arm. "You've got nothing to be sorry about Quistis, if this is what you want then do it. You're leaving tomorrow?"

Quistis nodded her head. Selphie seemed to have taken it maturely, which was strange for her. She was the last person she had expected to not ask her why. "Thanks Selphie," she said, "I'm glad you understand"

 Selphie bit her lip "I have a confession to make" she said slowly. She saw the blonde ex instructor turn towards her "I overheard Cid telling Matron what you had told him. I didn't believe he was talking about you so I had to come here" She saw her friend look at her in shock. "I asked him about what he had just said and he told me to talk to you, which is why I came here" 

Quistis let out a little chuckle at her friends confession. "I'm glad you overheard and came here," she said looking over at Selphie as a look of relief came over her face. She really was glad. It meant that she wasn't the one to break the news and try to explain everything to her.

"You are?" she said, "I thought you'd be angry" When she saw Quistis shake her head she wrapped her arms around Quistis. "Just don't forget to write, okay?"

Quistis returned the embrace realising how much she would miss all of her friends and the people in Garden. "Could you tell the others for me?" she said slowly. Maybe if Selphie told everyone else it would make it easier, until tomorrow when she would have to part from them. She tried to ignore the tear rolling down her face. 


End file.
